It’s only November 1 and already you’re dragging bins of holiday decor down from the attic and strategizing tactical maneuvers to score the latest Ghostbuster or Paw Patrol must-have toys. Or you’re adding to last year’s exterior decorations in your attempts to be the next Clark Griswold. Or you’re in a flurry of hosting holiday shindigs and out-of-town guests or booking travel tickets yourself.

From family rituals to office parties to Nutcracker ballets many of us may be launching ourselves into the season with abandon after last year’s pandemic shut-down. But the holidays come with their own unique challenges of family tension, financial strain and general overload. This month we spoke with three Wichita therapists about why this season stirs up so many heightened emotions, and how we can handle them like a boss.

Conscious planning: two questions

At this moment in November a little early planning can go a long way, according to Katherine Lewis, LCMFT, a mental health therapist at HopeNet. She suggests asking yourself two questions.

One: “What do we most want out of the holidays? What is our goal? Narrow it down to just one or two things that, if you didn’t get to them this year, you’d really regret. It can be a small thing or a big thing, but really think through, ‘What do I most love about the holidays?’ ”

Two: “What gets me feeling stressed out? What feels unmanageable? For some people, it's being around certain family members or people, for others, merely the hustle and bustle becomes so overwhelming that we don’t get to be present, or enjoy the holidays.”

Lewis also reminds us that the holidays can bring up loss and loneliness, for complicated reasons. “For some the holidays bring back rough memories of childhoods or Christmases or Thanksgivings that weren’t full of joy and family. For others it can be the opposite, where it was so full of family and friends — and now those people may be gone.”

Mindfulness and gratitude

Sometimes it’s hard enough just tuning into our own reactions in the moment — from overwhelm to grief to unrealistic expectations, according to Scott Spradlin, LPC, LMAC, owner of Wise Mind, Wise Life. He says there are three common areas where holiday stress rears its ugly head: a change in eating habits, an increase in alcohol consumption or difficulty sleeping. The first step is bringing in mindfulness.

“Pause, observe the thoughts, and label them: ‘Oh, I’m fretting about my family, I have to live a consumerist dream or strap myself to unnecessary debt.’ ” Once we have this awareness, Spradlin says, we can sweep aside the “consumer veil” and reach out to family and friends for support. Another strategy is pivoting to gratitude, which can improve mood and emotional regulation, and mitigate cortisol production.

“There's actually quite a bit of discussion in peer-reviewed journal articles about the fact that intentionally practicing gratitude — whether that's in a religious framework or something in the way of a gratitude journal — actually does have a biological correlation. “It’s good for you to say thanks!”

Both Lewis and Spradlin emphasize the importance of maintaining our “favorite healthy habits for self care,” as Lewis calls them, “so we don't have to start all over on our sleep routines, drinking water, some of those basic things.”

Spradlin also spotlights the importance of sleep. “When we get a good night’s sleep, our bodies do all kinds of cool stuff like down-regulating cortisol, which is a stress hormone.”

The resiliency zone

Just being immersed in the holiday ambiance can bring up traumatic memories for people living with complex PTSD, or relational PTSD, according to Ashley Brockus a therapist with Brockus Therapy whose practice centers on helping people overcome trauma. “When we're approaching a trauma-versary of ‘big-t’ trauma or ’small-t’ trauma, we can be pulled out of our resiliency zone into fight-or-flight, or fawn-or-freeze, and not feel like ourselves. A word that therapists use for that is ‘triggers.’ If we have relational trauma, then we have relational triggers.”

Brockus says our bodies remember the trauma, even if we don’t. Physical signs include body sensations such as a “knotted-up stomach or a racing heart, or it might feel like the big heavy anvil is on your chest or you're getting really hot and flushed.”

She recommends a free app called iChill, created by the nonprofit Trauma Resource Institute, based on the principles of Somatic Experiencing. The app helps users keep track of physical reactions experienced in the body during a trigger, and then suggests “resources” to help users return to the “resiliency zone.” Resources can be anything from stepping outside to take a break during a tense family gathering, watching a calming nature video, or calling a friend and saying, “Hey, I'm really struggling right now, can we just talk.”

“The idea is that, if trauma is held in your body, then you have to learn how to talk with your body,” Brockus says.

She also shares a quick resource to use anywhere. A simple exercise: placing your hand over your heart for a moment: “So a hand over the heart center, it releases oxytocin. And it helps us to be physically grounded, and usually produces an immediate calming effect. And as you just breathe, think, what would it be like if you let your heart feel your hand? And see if you can take in some of that warm sense and that support.”

Instead of spending the season in a state of tension, feeling your heart racing and wanting to punch someone or just flee — try taking a deep breath, bringing in mindfulness, gratitude and a little conscious planning. As Spradlin says, “We can really turn the focus more to the celebratory nature of the holiday.”